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A Bona Fide Geezer’s Kit for Every Day Life

This post is contributed by Barnaby Porter. Read the previous post here.

Looking out my window, it’s the first day of autumn – a beautiful, sunlit view of gardens and lawn, open woods and the rippling surface of high tide on the river, one of my very favorite places in this world. I’ve been here for a pretty long time, since a young man, and now I’m seeing changes. I’ve found old age creeping up on me with some surprises I never quite expected (or at least never wanted to contemplate). I also never expected to find myself writing on this subject. But, since I do write, it occurred to me it might be of some usefulness to any following behind who are curious (and brave) enough, who might value a bit of foreknowledge on the subject of getting on with what lies ahead.

Regarding my kit; it is mine alone and reflects only on my own personal circumstances. It probably suggests, on examination, a much-curtailed interaction with nature everywhere around me, the natural world I’ve always loved. I no longer can crawl around and work my hands through the earth to find plants, worms, bugs and salamanders for example. Walking the shore and mud flats at low tide; following trails through the woods; building and fixing stuff; working at anything that requires both hands. These things are no longer possible. Frustrations abound; the biggest being, for me, the near-total loss of my daily close-up intimacy with the natural world.

But providence has smiled on the geezer. That’s me. Happily, my brain still works. I have designed, created and built all sorts of things since I was a kid. Loved it. Loved a good challenge. And big challenges have arrived in spades, in the form of problems and obstacles that require work-around solutions. I have two remarkable companions and helpers in all of this: my wife, Susan, and our very best friend, Rachiel, both of whom are tireless doers, talented and creative problem solvers. Their biggest problem is me. They keep me in line and take no guff. They are my handlers.

As I became an essayist over the years, I learned a great deal about getting my thinking straight on most matters, to the point that I think some of my philosophizing actually has merit. It helps a lot. And perhaps the biggest help of all, a most buoyant force, is humor, the “oxygen” in much of human interactions and reflections on life, which, without it, would be a mighty dull business. It’s a huge generator of happiness and contentment. We laugh a lot around here.

The Geezer’s Personal Kit

One Walker.
Three or four canes.
Pace-maker.
Hearing aids.
Two regular wheelchairs with left-side arm rests, for 1st floor and basement.
One 40-lb electric wheelchair for the car and travel – 1 lithium battery, 11-mile range.
One 60-lb electric wheelchair for outdoors – 2 large lithium batteries, 31-mile range, includes tool pouch (for hammer, screwdriver, pliers, knife, measuring tape, clippers) and a cane holder and a trash bag – used for generally getting around and for carrying propane tanks, trash cans, concrete blocks, tools, ladders, hoses to water gardens, etc.
Two wheelchair ramps – one made of stone, one aluminum.
Two overhead knotted ropes for hoisting oneself out of tricky situations.
Four “handicap” license plates (for 2 vehicles).
Thirteen grab-handles and bars.
One shower bench.
One bathroom bench.
Two heating pads.
Two sets of floor-model commode handlebars.
Five grabber tools.
Sturdy leather slippers.
Spring loaded, step-in leather shoes.
Six 7-day pill boxes (2 weeks’ worth).
Good supply of old man’s sweatpants.
Shirts, long and short-sleeved, with two pockets (!) for easy access to flip-phone, wallet and accessories.
Unmentionables (rarely used, and then only in the direst emergencies).
Pocket-size flip-phone. (Other phones are too big and difficult for one-handed use.)
Several magnifying glasses.
Small telescope.
Forked stick, used as a quick “tri-pod” to support and stabilize a heavy camera.
Birdbath with a remotely operated water supply and an “electric rock” to keep it from freezing in winter.
Mouth operated fog horn for wrangling the cats.
Two fly swatters
Bright green information sheet for EMT personnel upon arrival at the front door. We were told to tape it on the refrigerator door where they are most likely to look first.

* The world, I’ve seen, can really close in on a geezer, but he needs to find the means to stay good and busy and just keep going. The thing you should not do is just plonk him down in an old chair all day to stare at the view. That can get very old.

Artist and author Barnaby Porter has had a varied career in marine research, aquaculture, and woodworking, among others. Most recently he partnered with his wife Susan as co-owners of the Maine Coast Book Shop & Cafe in downtown Damariscotta. In October 2021, Barnaby completed his tenure on Coastal Rivers’ Board of Trustees after six years of service.